Kindle Woes

My husband and I were on our way to the theatre. This was our first movie date after having our baby. I am not a movie buff. But my husband, who was a regular movie watcher was drooling over all the movies that were releasing. He couldn’t watch them as I was busy with my baby and couldn't give him any company. Twice before today, my husband had booked tickets for both of us and I had managed to send him with his friend. But today I had to oblige. But seriously, I prefer spending my weekends with my son, as huge chunk of my weekdays is dedicated to office.

We had our lunch in a restaurant and off we headed to the theatre. I was deeply engrossed in the book that I was reading on my phone’s kindle app when my husband said, “Look at the metro station, how elegant it looks!”

I stole a quick glance, nodded and went back to my book. After a minute, he said, “look that’s Erragadda mental hospital towards the left.” I nodded and went back to my book.

“That’s the Moosapet fruit market” he said. “Should we buy some fruits here for Abhi (our son)” I asked. 

“No, we don’t have place to park our car here.” he replied. What was the point in pointing out the fruit market when we didn’t intend to buy from it? I thought.

“That’s the Moosapet vegetable market.” His voice came again. By now, I was thoroughly irritated for being disturbed. I am very bad at remembering the places and routes and my husband knew this very well. What was the point in showing me all these when I had already been through this route and still don’t remember and am sure to forget this time as well?. I kept my cool and yet peered into my book with some hope that I won’t be disturbed until our destination. Man, I seldom get to read after marriage and don’t get to read at all after having baby. But thanks to the kindle app that holds all my books at just a click away from me. This way I have access to bulky books in my palm and I can now read while cooking, while performing mundane tasks and almost anywhere, anytime.

 

“Do you know, this is NH-9. If we go straight, we would reach kukatpally. Further straight, we would go to Beeramguda (my in-laws place). But we will stop by at our theatre, which falls on the way and then go to Beeramguda. This is the same road that would take us to Patancheru as well.” He said taking pride at his latest discovery on NH-9.

Too busy to even nod, I continued reading. 

“See this is South India Shopping mall. They have this offer going on here now. Buy anything worth Rs. 2000 and take anything worth Rs. 2000 for free. It means we can buy anything worth 4000 and pay just 2000.” He said. I couldn’t help thinking. “why is he being too talkative today? That too while driving? Why in God’s name is my husband trying to push every minute detail of most irrelevant things into my skull? Why am I being stolen of my new found privilege of reading?”

It reminded me of my son, Abhiram. When I am cooking in the kitchen, he looms around me, throwing away the utensils to make clanky noises. Gives me closed empty boxes to be opened, though he knew they don’t contain anything for him to play with. He finds out ways to seek my attention and his dad was no different. The idea of reading on the go from my mobile had apparently not gone well with him. He consciously or subconsciously was seeking my attention. “Man, what about cricket? You shut the entire world out of your brain while watching cricket. How do you think I felt when you were watching cricket on our honeymoon?” I thought.

I kept my thoughts to myself. Love and good will taking over my human ego, I closed my kindle app, promising to revisit it at the next best opportunity.

Siya Ram

She was born in an orthodox family who idealized Lord Ram. Aparna was no exception. She grew up to be an ardent devotee of Ram. She visited Seeta Ramaanjeneya swamy temple daily. The temple had Lord Ram standing with his bow in hand, accompanied by Seetha and Lakhsmana at his left and right respectively, with Hanuman kneeling in front of him. She worshipped him daily not to ask for boons but to thank him for the morals he had built and exemplified to the world. As a child she couldn’t completely understand the complex principles on which Ram had led his life. Ram obeyed his parents. Never blamed anyone for his misery, loved Seetha, his wife dearly, killed the entire army of Khara and Dushana single handedly for her and teamed with the monkeys to save Seetha from the demon Raavana. Yes. He stood up for her and was called the ideal husband. But then, he put her to test, the agni pariksha to prove her chastity in front of the monkey army. Not an ideal husband. After proving her chastity, Seetha was accepted and made the queen of Ayodhya. Later when the citizens of Ayodhya mocked at her, the then pregnant Seetha was left in forest, posing as a very cruel husband. They didn’t unite ever after that. He seemed to be indifferent to Seetha’s sufferings. But he didn’t remarry though polygamy was widely accepted in those days. Most part of their lives, Ram and Seetha were estranged but the temples always have Seetha and Rama together. Most of the times Ram was called SiyaRam. Meaning, Seetha’s Ram. They are meant to be an ideal couple. Her little innocent mind couldn’t understand the reasoning and logic behind them being called an ideal couple. All she knew was that they had their reasons and we are not qualified enough to judge god.

Dancing was her area of interest. After spending years of training in kuchipudi, it had taken the form of obsession. She was in college when she started performing on stage. It did not take long for her fame to soar. She earned many fans. One such fan was Shiva, the industrialist. He had first seen her performing for the silver jubilee celebrations of their company. He had never missed a show of hers since then. He made sure that Aparna was called for every event of their company, however small may it be. They became friends from acquaintances and eventually soul mates from just friends.

They were a happily married couple and had a son. They were never short of money. Thankfully, Shiva was a successful businessman and his business grew manifold. Aparna didn’t have to perform for money. But she did as it was her obsession. She also took immense care of her son, Karthik. She was happy with her family but... Yes, there is always a BUT that plays a spoilsport. Shiva seemed less enthusiastic about Aparna’s performances. He never objected her or prevented her from dancing. But her dance or performances were never part of their discussions now. He stopped attending her felicitations. She was no longer invited to perform for their company events. Aparna’s earnings were peanuts when compared to Shiva’s income. That was not his concern, but her growing fame was. She was flocked with fans wherever they went. Yes, we live in a world where entertainers are popular than entrepreneurs.

Aparna was sharp enough to observe the hiccup of her life. She knew what was bothering Shiva. And she was thankful to him that he still respected her interests and didn’t object her from performing. She couldn’t love him less. She secretly pledged to stop performing. She loved dancing more than anything else in life. But that was before meeting Shiva. Now, Shiva was above everything.

The media went abuzz as it always does when a celebrity’s name or life is involved. The magazines and news posted their own versions of stories for Aparna’s retirement. Few said that Aparna was suffering from physical ailment. Few said that she had earned enough money and wanted to rest now. The most prevalent reason being spread across was that it was Shiva who had put a full stop to Aparna’s dancing feet owing to his jealousy. Shiva was really concerned now. He didn’t want to be the reason for Aparna’s retirement. He put forth his efforts to bring her back to stage. But Aparna was adamant and would not perform anymore. Shiva blamed himself and his conscience was burning with guilt. He couldn’t meet Aparna’s eyes. 

Aparna now spent all her time with family and was enjoying her life much more than before. She was contended with life and was happy about staying at home. She spent most of her time playing with Karthik and helping him with studies. Her practical approach while teaching made learning fun for Karthik. On one such occasion, she had planted a mango seed while teaching him about germination. They would water it daily and monitor its growth. They jumped with joy on seeing the first leaf sprout. Aparna found that true joy of living was in relishing the small things of life.

Shiva, on the contrary was burdened with guilt. For him, he was the reason for ruining Aparna’s career. He spent more time at work than at home. He couldn’t meet her eyes that brimmed with love for him. Her serene love made his misery worse. He loved her the most and couldn’t forgive himself for embracing the insecurities that led to the present consequences. He relocated to Dubai where they had set their new office. He came home occasionally. His motto was to remain away from Aparna as he knew that he didn’t deserve her love and attention.

Aparna knew that her husband was workaholic but never expected that he would relocate and stay away from family. Karthik deserved to spend time with his dad. She decided to talk to him and persuade him to take the family with him. 

He came home after a month. He had a casual chat with Karthik. It was already 10 pm and Karthik went to sleep. When they were left alone, Aparna decided to bring it up.

“Karthik misses you a lot these days.”

Deliberately peeping into some file and without raising his head Shiva nodded, “Hmm”.

“He feels bad when only I go for the parents meet at school. He also had a bet with one of his friends that you would come for the next parent’s meet.”

“Hmm” again.

“May be you should spend more time with family. We are missing you.”

Yet another “Hmm”.

“May be all of us should shift to Dubai. That would save your travel time for home visits and would also give you time with family ”

Almost inaudible “Hmm.”

“Whats in your mind Shiva? Please speak up. Why are we having this one sided conversation?”

Shiva reluctantly looked at Aparna, made a brief eye contact and said “Looks like you have put on some weight. Why don’t you start performing again?”

Aparna was at a loss of expression. She couldn’t justify her husband’s insane attitude. He hadn’t answered even a single question of hers and said something that wasn’t relevant to the present context. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “May be he doesn’t want me anymore” she thought.

“If you don’t want to see me then don’t, but please think about Karthik, he deserves his share of love. He is your son too.”

That was the key now, Shiva knew that she would get back to her usual self in his absence and said “You want to leave Karthik to me?”

Aparna was clueless now, she didn’t know where the conversation was heading to. “He is my son too. Why would I leave him?”

“May be you can take care of him until he is 18 and then he will come to me. I will then guide him in building his career.”

Aparna had not expected the sudden turn of events. But she maintained her dignity. She didn’t beg him to hold onto her. If he didn’t want her, so be it. She loved him and could never cease to do so. She didn’t argue. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving him. But she didn’t want to force herself onto his life.  She knew that Shiva could never be his usual self with her now. He would either be feeling guilty, if she continued her resignation from performing or feel low and supressed if she started performing. Either ways it would do no good to him and would affect his moods and business. She didn't want to taint their relationship with memories of unending arguments or blame or trauma. She agreed to part ways if that was what Shiva wanted.

Since then they never saw each other. Aparna accepted to stay in their house until Karthik turned 18. She did not accept any compensation from Shiva. She taught kuchipudi to meet her expenses. She never performed on stage and maintained a low profile, shunning the media and social appearances. Karthik was a replica of Aparna in deeds and values. He was long prepared for his 18^th birthday. The birthday that would gift him his dad but take away his mom. He knew that his parents were great individuals yet had decided to part their ways. He respected their decision. For him, they were his Gods and incapable of judging them.

Aparna was proud to see her son grow with all possible virtues of a compassionate man. She gave him reasons to love his dad as much as he loved her. She couldn’t wait for his 18^th birthday, the day when she would see Shiva for one last time. The apocalypse of her life.

It was the first thought that came to her as she woke up. He was gone. And, soon, this bedroom, the house in whose eastern corner it sat, and the tiny garden outside with its gnarled old red hibiscus and the half-grown mango tree they had planted together, all those would be gone as well. It was the strangest feeling ever. She would soon leave this house but not the memories it gave her. She performed her early morning prayers and was offering Prasad to Karthik when Shiva arrived. His hair had greyed, yet he looked as radiant as he always did. He gave a genuine smile that bore into Aparna’s eyes. She saw the love and remorse in his eyes. He hugged Karthik and stepped back to have a better look at him. He stole a glance at Aparna and felt that she was at peace with herself yet has lost the cheery spark in her eyes. He wanted to talk to her but was tongue tied.

“I have fulfilled my responsibility as a mom. He is yours to nurture further.” Said a teary eyed Aparna, with an air of a proud mom.

Shiva had offered her to stay in the house and claim it as hers. But she rejected. She was a self dependent woman. She kissed Karthik on his forehead and threw a final glance at Shiva, who could not meet her eyes and left with her bag of clothes. Karthik missed her instantly. He wanted to run behind her and hug her. But he knew that nothing could stop her now. Not even his dad’s love.

Aparna left Shiva forever, like Seetha had left Ram after handing over Luv and Kush. She had lost the 2 people who matter the most in her life. She didn’t blame Shiva for her misery. She knew that he had always meant good for her. She now understood why Seetha and Ram were called an ideal couple. Through their ups and downs they never blamed each other for their misery. They loved each other with full might and when it was time for them to part, they parted with dignity, yet did not forget their responsibility towards their children. Their love was never blotched with silly fights or overheated arguments. It was easy for a couple to occasionally fight and later patch up. But it required Seetha’s patience and Ram’s love to make a SiyaRam, to part in dignity and yet love until eternity.

Paying Guest

Tara was like a pebble by the river bed, that had turned smooth after continuous hits by the rocks and water currents, yet tough inside.She was in her late thirties and looked younger for her age. She was beautiful but looked saintly rather than gorgeous, owing to the decade long practice of indifference towards everything around her. 

Tara was barren and couldn’t bear a child. The moment this was declared by the doctors, hell broke loose at her home. Her in laws were furious at her. Suresh, her husband if ever sympathized with her, never showed it. She wanted to adopt a child but her in laws were against it. They didn’t want an outsider to be declared as the heir of their family. Her husband paid a deaf ear to her pleadings. It was later proclaimed by her family that since Tara could not provide an heir to the family, she had no rights over Suresh’s money. Since then, Tara became a paying guest at her own house. She had to spend her money for anything and everything she wanted at home. May it be the groceries, furnishings or anything else. Her appearance at any functions or parties was considered inauspicious and she eventually stopped attending them. She thought things would change for good with time and bore everything silently. She was literally shunned by the society.

Tara had first thought that she had strangers in her life and she could befriend them with good conduct and love. But later, she learnt that they were the parasites that fed on her, sucking away hope and joy from her life. Her home was no more a home for her. She started spending more time at office and went home only to sleep. She preferred being alone and happy rather than surrounded by many and yet feel lonely. But she couldn’t part ways with Suresh as that would upset her parents and defame their reputation in the society. Slowly she turned indifferent to everything around her.

She was thankful to her colleague who introduced her to the Shishu Mandir orphanage. Of all places in the world, she had found solace here. The orphanage had around 30 children who were orphans. They didn’t have any relatives but were happy here. Every child here would share and care for the other children. They didn’t have anyone in particular to call as their own but lead a contended and happy life. she often visited the place and brought goodies for the children. She also became a regular donor for the orphanage. She had insisted the children to address her as “Ma” and they happily agreed. She came here on weekends and helped them with their studies. She told them stories. On festivals. When she was not welcome everywhere else, she was most welcome here. She celebrated all the festivals with these orphans. The inmates of Shishu Mandir were grateful to her for taking out time and money for them. Little did they know that Tara had actually found a purpose in life. She had started living because of them. She had fallen in love again. In love with her life. She had rediscovered her usual self, bubbly, naughty, witty and full of mischief. 

Having tasted joy after over a decade, she didn’t want to go back home. The home where her parasites reside. She decided to remain with the orphans as an orphan and approached the management of Sishu Mandir. “We are sorry Madam” said the care taker. “This orphanage is meant only for under privileged and those who have lost their family.”

The reply sent her mind reeling. “Under privileged?” she mused.

“Yes, I have lost my family the day I got married. I have lost the love and care I deserve the day I was declared barren. I have lost hope, joy and purpose in my life until I came to Shishu Mandir.” She thought. “The children at Shishu Mandir had everything that she lacked. Yet they were called under privileged. She had nothing but the crispy currency notes and clanky coins. Her life was hollow. Was she not underprivileged?” She smiled at the irony. She smiled at the care taker of the orphanage and stood up to leave. That was when the chairman called her and spoke. 

“Ma’am. We usually allow only the underprivileged to live here. But since you are one of our regular donors, I would like to put forth a proposal. Since you are like a mother to our inmates and are also loved by all, we will make an exception. You can stay here as a paying guest. You will be charged for your food and stay.”

“Paying guest? Did he say paying guest? Man I have been a paying guest all my life.” she thought. She was happy and agreed. Finally Tara had found a home for herself. She was once treated as a paying guest at her own house, but now, she is being treated as their own at Shishu Mandir and yet is called a paying guest.

Fairy tale

It was her favorite time of the day -  story time before sleep. Chandini handed over the book to her mom. Roshini usually told stories that came to her mind but today her daughter had insisted her to tell stories from this story book. Roshini flipped the pages of the book and the dim light of the lantern showed that it was a story book with fairy tales. “Aha, fairy tales” she muttered to herself.

She loved fairy tales as a child. Mostly the ones where a princess was in danger and a prince charming comes to her rescue and saves her from the monsters or step mother or any other sorts of danger, with the kiss of true love playing an important role. She spent most of her childhood in her dream land of fairy tales until one day when she got lost and was picked up by human traffickers. She was then made a sex worker at the age of 13. She didn’t know a way out and neither could think of any. Memories of those days were hazy and she didn’t want to think of them. She gave birth to her daughter, Chandini at the age of 16. She didn’t want Chandini to share her fate and mustered up the courage to escape from the hell and succeeded after various failed attempts.

She was overwhelmed with emotions thinking of her past and how Chandini was the turning point of her life. Today, she lived in this hut in a slum and worked as a daily wage laborer at the construction sites. She also managed to send her daughter to school. She hardly gets time to spend with her daughter the entire day but makes sure that she spends time to bond with her at bed time with her stories.

 “Ma” Chandini called. “Story pleeeaase. I am waiting.” She said with an enthusiastic smile. 

Roshini kept the book aside and looked at her daughter. 

“Ma! What happened? Won't you tell me today’s story from the book?” 

“I will. I know the stories from this book. I have heard them when I was young.” Saying so Roshini began the story.

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. She was loved by everyone in the kingdom for she was kind and humble. One day an evil monster, having heard of the princess’s beauty kidnapped her and held her captive in a cave. The princess was in distress and shouted for help for entire day but no one came to her rescue. Finally the princess was struck with an idea. She took her hair pin and pricked the monster’s eye and stamped his foot with her high heeled shoes. The monster howled in agony. Having diverted the monster’s  attention, the princess fled from the cave and escaped.”

Chandini giggled by the end and said, “Wow ma. That was pretty cool.”

Roshini smiled at her daughter and patted her to sleep. She had altered the climax in her version of the story. She had removed the prince and let the princess save herself. She knew that life is not a fairy tale and didn’t want her daughter to dwell in it. Her stories always conveyed that “when in danger, save yourself. Don’t wait for the nonexistent prince charming. No knight in shining armor will come to your rescue. Life is ruthless."