Silence

Sitting beside the lake and gazing across the landscape into nothingness, Sen was left pondering. He had always welcomed silence. It gave him peace and time for retrospection. It was the time when he was left to himself to do his silliest and most serious talking with his mind. But today it was different. The silence was deafeningly eerie. The silence was in his mind. 

He looked at the lake that was once serene and home to many lotuses but has now become murky just like his fate. He very well remembered how he would come here with Soni sitting side by side doing nothing more than watching the ducks and cranes and giggling for no great reason. Joy seemed to be emanating from the lake into their lives. 

He mused over his past. He had always approved of Soni and knew that his mom would love her. Soni was pleasingly good. She was not as beautiful as a diva but was charming enough to catch one’s eye. But it was not her charms that drove him to her. It was her straight forwardness and never say no nature that he loved the most. Things were normal after marriage as he had expected. How could it be otherwise, Soni was his choice and she was best suited for his family.

Theirs was a joint family and Soni did everything she could to please her in laws. She learnt to cook and was swift at it. She mingled well with Sen’s relatives she treated and cared for them like her own. She adapted her lifestyle to theirs. Everyone was in praise for Soni. Everything seemed fine to Sen’s eyes in the beginning. But things were not normal as time passed by. He had observed that his mom who was just a home maker was feeling inferior to Soni who was both a working professional and a home maker. Any praises or compliments paid to Soni by anyone would irritate her and sometimes she would look upset. A person’s mistakes are often forgiven but not his traits. He had also observed that his mom was sometimes over possessive about him in presence of Soni. She also looked dissatisfied with anything and everything Soni did and never ceased giving suggestions on trivial and non trivial matters.

Things didn’t go unnoticed by Soni as well. She had put forth her views to him but he had thought things will get sorted with time. Whereas Soni thought Sen would set everything right for her. Little did she know that he couldn’t do it. For him, she was his mom and was right in her views and behavior. She was behaving just like any other mom and he couldn’t ask her to stop being so mommish. Things got worse until Soni’s dam of patience broke. She was no more her usual self. Now the hatred was mutual between his mom and Soni. Life became miserable for the three of them. Sen couldn’t take anyone’s side as both of them loved him dearly. His friend had once told him that the two important women of one’s life are mom and wife and the only way to keep them happy was to keep them apart. Strange are the ways of the world, friendship sprouts between two people having a common enemy and hatred develops between two people for loving the same person. 

He was in a fix now. He didn’t want to go home to witness another cold war. He lay by the lake side for quite some time asking his mind “What do I do now?” but his mind didn’t budge. It lay silent just like him. His thoughts have dried up and his mind has drained away everything it could. There was nothing left within except silence – endless silence.

Fear

He lay semiconscious on the slimy floor groping in the dark for support. In the twilight coming from the other end of the tunnel, he could see the silhouette of Samaira, his lady love. Beside her was a tall and muscular man. All his fears have transformed to reality. He knew that he was no match for Samaira. Samaira who was gorgeous, witty, elegant and simple had many admirers and Rishi was among them. Rishi, who was plain, skinny and who hardly spoke to anyone was pleasantly surprised when Samaira had chose him over others to be her soulmate. Almost everyone he knew raised their eyebrows when they came to know about their engagement. Ever since, Rishi had feared that he might lose Samaira to someone better than him.

Today is the day when his fears have taken shape. Finally Samaira had found someone who was equal to her in virtues. It was this muscular guy who had hit him black and blue and left him to bleed to death. Everything was happening in front of Samaira. She seemed to be least bothered about his present state. The devilishly handsome guy gave a wry smile as he left Rishi to bleed. Every inch of his body was revolting with pain. But more painful than his wounds was Samaira’s laughter that was ringing in his ears. She seemed to be very happy with this guy. He lay there waiting for death as he saw Samaira leave with her companion hand in hand.

Rishi woke up to the humming sounds of the machine to which he lay strapped. He was sweating profusely. His friend was right. He was skeptical when his friend had told him that the fear detector manifests the worst fear of a person and also gives a piece of advice to everyone before they left. But now he knew that it was true. It had shown him his worst fear. And everything he saw and felt seemed so real. His worst fear was to lose Samaria. He felt inferior to her in every aspect. He knew that she deserved someone better than him. As Rishi walked out of the machine, he saw something flash on the screen near the exit. It read “There is no match for unconditional love and immense care.”

Parrot in a golden cage

Surabhi was a bright and lively child. She was 6 years old and loved to go to school where she had many friends. Everyone at school was fond of her. One afternoon she came home with a grim face. Her cheeks were blotched with dried tears and eyes showed fear and anxiety. Her mother took her water bottle and bag as she descended from the school bus. They were walking towards their home which was a 2 min walk from the bus stop. Sarita noticed that her daughter was upset about something and thought may be she had lost her sharpener or pencil at school and was scared to tell her. She tried to start a conversation with Surabhi but Surabhi did not open her mouth.

After reaching home, Surabhi changed her clothes and sat at the table to have her snacks. In order to cheer her up, Sarita started telling her a story. 

“An old lady had a pet parrot. She loved him a lot and called him Popatlal. Popatlal was pampered a lot. He stayed in a golden cage and got the best of nuts and fruits to eat. Popatlal was very talkative. He would often repeat anything spoken by the humans at home. One day he was sad and was lost in thoughts. When the old lady asked him the reason for his sorrow, he told her that he led a monotonous life. He wanted to fly like other birds. After all he was also a bird. He wanted to fly and enjoy the open air. He loved his cage but didn’t want to be confined to the cage all the time. The old lady hung her head. She was over protective about Popatlal. She knew that he couldn’t face the cruel world of humans and didn’t want him to venture out. But she had second thoughts. May be Popatlal was right. He deserved his share of freedom provided, he maintained constant vigilance when he was outdoors. Finally both of them agreed that Popatlal would go out in the morning and return home before sunset. Popatlal was happy and the old lady was teary eyed. She warned Popatlal of the various dangers that lay outside. She told him to be away from humans and any creature bigger than him. May it be a bird or animal. The first few days passed without any event. By now Popatlal realized that he was way slower than the others of his kin. He knew that it was due to lack of practice. The birds living in the wild were more exposed to the dangers of the world and hence were swift at escaping and rescuing themselves. One day Popatlal came home in the evening gasping and panting. The old lady was shocked to see him in that state. His usually aligned feathers were bent in wrong directions. On enquiring him, Popatlal told her that when he was feeding on a juicy fruit, he hadn’t noticed a cat approach him until it grabbed him in its claws. He escaped from it by nibbling at its face. The old lady was proud of Popatlal and happy that he was safe. She embraced him and told him to stay put in his cage. But Popatlal, adorning a brave smile told the old lady that he was capable of defending himself and was no more scared of the dangers lying outside. ”

Surabhi was quietly listening to the story and by the end of it, her expression was of question mark. Sarita asked her “Didn’t you like the story? I thought you would love it. Did you not understand something? Do you want me to repeat it?”

Surabhi replied, “I understood the story. But I did not understand something. Can I ask you a question?”

“First tell me what did you understand?”

“I am Popatlal, you are the old lady of the story and our home, where I have every luxury and which is safe, is the golden cage. But no matter what, I should be brave like Popatlal to face the outside world.”

Sarita was confused and amazed as to how could Surabhi relate her world with the story. She asked, “What is it that you did not understand?”

“Mom, unlike the old lady of the story, why didn’t you warn me? Why didn’t you tell me to stay away from the janitor and that he is a bad guy who would be groping inside my clothes?”

Another chance

Holding his head in his hands, Das was seated on the hospital’s chair, tiny beads of sweat trickling down his face. His wife was probably breathing her last breath while he could do nothing but see the time tick off. He could feel the anxiety of his 8 year old daughter sitting beside him. This was when Das’s mind voluntarily started ruminating his past.

It was almost 10 years since he first met Shraddha. She was his colleague at work. Their tastes and interests never matched. Innocent and introvert was Shraddha whereas clever and outgoing was Das. They had nothing in common except love. Eventually they got married.

They were a happily married couple. They had a daughter Riya and Shraddha had to quit her job in order to take care of her daughter. She was a very good home maker. Everyone became busy with time. Shraddha, with Riya and house hold activities and Das, with his work at office. Das was the busiest. He being the sole bread winner for the family, worked very hard at office and thanks to the Work from Home concept that allowed Das to bring office to home. Virtually Das was always at office no matter his geographical location. Their annual holiday trips seemed more like “work from remote location”  to Das. Shraddha was upset with it. But Das wasn’t bothered as long as he got his incentives and recognitions. Slowly their holiday trips faded into oblivion. It made no sense to go on a holiday when Das could bring his virtual office with him. Shraddha was upset with this and shared her views with Das. But it didn’t matter much to him.

Das loved his family but was too busy to spare time for them. He was working hard for his family and was sure that he would make it up to them in few years. He just needed time to build a career right now. The good night and good morning kisses were long forgotten. He started skipping meals at office and his packed lunch box returned home full and untouched in a row for couple of days. Shraddha was quick to act upon it. She started packing easy to eat and healthy lunches for him. Like a rolled up roti with veggies inside. And often, to make them interesting, she would top the sandwitch with smiley patterned ketchup. She would sometimes give shapes to the sandwitches like teddy bear, stars, clouds etc. On independence day she gave him idlys of carrot flavored, spinach flavored and plain idlies arranged in the pattern of tricolors of flag. Amidst his tightly packed schedule, his lunch box would bring a smile on Das’s lips and he would quickly gobble it up and feel blessed for having Shraddha as his wife. He knew that she understood him. He knew that sometime he would make it up to her. But for now his work was his priority.

Everything went on as usual for Das until this unholy day when he got a call from  hospital saying Shraddha was admitted. He rushed to the hospital and saw Shraddha in the ICU with God knows what all equipments attached to her. Das’s face contorted in pain looking at Shraddha. She surely was looking paler and thinner since few days. But he hadn’t thought she was ill. He thought she was on her crash diet that she occasionally followed. She was sleeping. “What’s wrong doctor?” he asked the doctor. His voice was no more than a whisper.

The doctor took him aside and said. “She has lost considerable amount of weight in couple of months and was visiting Dr. Malhotra for body pains from past two month. She was given general pain killers, calcium and vitamin substitutes but her pain only increased with time. Dr. Malhotra had referred he to me around a month back and she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.”

“When will you start the treatment? I will complete the initial formalities right away. Don’t  delay the treatment.”

“Mr. Das. I am afraid, its too late now. The damage is irrepairable. The breast cancer has spread to multiple organs in her body and bones. That was the reason for her body pains. You should have brought her to hospital during the early stages. You seem to be an educated man. Couldn’t you check the initial symptoms on her?  Loss of weight and engorged breasts are obvious indications.”

The questions came as a tight slap on his face. Das couldn’t speak.

“Morning, she has suffered a multiple organ failure and she is on ventilator now. You can talk to her once she wakes up. But she doesn’t have much time. We cannot sustain her for more than 48 hours.” 

Looked like it was common for the doctor to convey medical status of  his patients. He seemed to be angry at Das’s negligence and showed minimal sympathy while delivering him the news.

Now he was waiting outside the ICU with his daughter Riya beside him. The doctor had told him that Shraddha might or might not wake up before she breathed her last. He was getting calls from office. He had told them it was an emergency. But they seemed to bother the least and kept calling him every 5 minutes. He switched off  his mobile and prayed that Shraddha  would wake up. He wanted to make it up to her. Their annual trips, their good morning and good night kissses and above all he wanted to acknowledge that he always enjoyed her lunches. Everyday he ate his lunch, he wanted to tell her that he loved her but was always caught up with his work. He wanted to apologize to her for not taking care of her, for not noticing her condition. He didn’t know when he started crying.

Sometime later, the nurse told him that Shraddha woke up. Das rushed in and kneeled beside her bed. Shraddha gave a feeble smile and said, “Don’t cry. Its not that bad. Remember the policy I had taken when Riya was born and you had laughed at me? The papers are in my file. Claim them after I am gone.  That is my wedding  gift for her. Love you loads. Sorry for my shortcomings and…” she smiled and left him forever.

Meanwhile Das kept weeping “One chance. Just another chance. I will make it up to you. PPLEAAAASE”.

New Folder

I had opened my pendrive to clear unwanted data and stumbled across the folder “New Folder”. Before opening the folder, I paused and wondered if this is the New Folder virus that contains no data but creates another such folder on double clicking it. I however went ahead and opened it. And voila! What do I find? It’s not any virus but just an empty folder. Apparently I had created a folder with the intention to store some data but had forgotten to do so even before I could name it. That’s the only reason it was still named “New Folder”. This is not a rare phenomenon in our lives. 

Most of us have had a dream. An unaccomplished and long lost dream. The New Folder represents our unfulfilled dream. These are the dreams that we once had but lay forgotten amidst the crowd of our daily chores and busy schedules. They may be as simple as cooking a new recipe, visiting a place of interest, reading a book, planning a get together with friends etc.  For eg. I have created a blog with the intention to keep up my hobby of writing. But I have hardly posted anything on it off late. My blog is the New folder of my life. I am sure everyone of us has a new folder of its own kind.

Existence of such New Folders shows that we are bad at setting our priorities. We have the knack of accommodating myriads of things as our priorities. Like - Waking up early, Cooking a healthy meal for our family, Meeting stringent deadlines at office, Late night calls and meetings. In fact we tend to accommodate everything that could add to our stressful lifestyle on our priority list but not our dream. We sacrifice lot of time and effort on everything but ourselves. Don’t you think we deserve some attention for ourselves? Don’t you think before being kind  and compassionate towards others, we should be kind to ourselves? Don’t you think before expecting respect from others, we should respect ourselves?

Life is a gift given to us by God. Dare to dream and don’t hesitate to fulfill it. You are the best you have. If you don’t have time for yourself, no one else will.  If you don’t respect your own interests no one else will. Let us all recheck our priority list. Let us all name our New Folders and fill it will good memories of our dreams. Let us all give ourselves this lavish treat of satisfaction, for we deserve it.