Siya Ram

She was born in an orthodox family who idealized Lord Ram. Aparna was no exception. She grew up to be an ardent devotee of Ram. She visited Seeta Ramaanjeneya swamy temple daily. The temple had Lord Ram standing with his bow in hand, accompanied by Seetha and Lakhsmana at his left and right respectively, with Hanuman kneeling in front of him. She worshipped him daily not to ask for boons but to thank him for the morals he had built and exemplified to the world. As a child she couldn’t completely understand the complex principles on which Ram had led his life. Ram obeyed his parents. Never blamed anyone for his misery, loved Seetha, his wife dearly, killed the entire army of Khara and Dushana single handedly for her and teamed with the monkeys to save Seetha from the demon Raavana. Yes. He stood up for her and was called the ideal husband. But then, he put her to test, the agni pariksha to prove her chastity in front of the monkey army. Not an ideal husband. After proving her chastity, Seetha was accepted and made the queen of Ayodhya. Later when the citizens of Ayodhya mocked at her, the then pregnant Seetha was left in forest, posing as a very cruel husband. They didn’t unite ever after that. He seemed to be indifferent to Seetha’s sufferings. But he didn’t remarry though polygamy was widely accepted in those days. Most part of their lives, Ram and Seetha were estranged but the temples always have Seetha and Rama together. Most of the times Ram was called SiyaRam. Meaning, Seetha’s Ram. They are meant to be an ideal couple. Her little innocent mind couldn’t understand the reasoning and logic behind them being called an ideal couple. All she knew was that they had their reasons and we are not qualified enough to judge god.

Dancing was her area of interest. After spending years of training in kuchipudi, it had taken the form of obsession. She was in college when she started performing on stage. It did not take long for her fame to soar. She earned many fans. One such fan was Shiva, the industrialist. He had first seen her performing for the silver jubilee celebrations of their company. He had never missed a show of hers since then. He made sure that Aparna was called for every event of their company, however small may it be. They became friends from acquaintances and eventually soul mates from just friends.

They were a happily married couple and had a son. They were never short of money. Thankfully, Shiva was a successful businessman and his business grew manifold. Aparna didn’t have to perform for money. But she did as it was her obsession. She also took immense care of her son, Karthik. She was happy with her family but... Yes, there is always a BUT that plays a spoilsport. Shiva seemed less enthusiastic about Aparna’s performances. He never objected her or prevented her from dancing. But her dance or performances were never part of their discussions now. He stopped attending her felicitations. She was no longer invited to perform for their company events. Aparna’s earnings were peanuts when compared to Shiva’s income. That was not his concern, but her growing fame was. She was flocked with fans wherever they went. Yes, we live in a world where entertainers are popular than entrepreneurs.

Aparna was sharp enough to observe the hiccup of her life. She knew what was bothering Shiva. And she was thankful to him that he still respected her interests and didn’t object her from performing. She couldn’t love him less. She secretly pledged to stop performing. She loved dancing more than anything else in life. But that was before meeting Shiva. Now, Shiva was above everything.

The media went abuzz as it always does when a celebrity’s name or life is involved. The magazines and news posted their own versions of stories for Aparna’s retirement. Few said that Aparna was suffering from physical ailment. Few said that she had earned enough money and wanted to rest now. The most prevalent reason being spread across was that it was Shiva who had put a full stop to Aparna’s dancing feet owing to his jealousy. Shiva was really concerned now. He didn’t want to be the reason for Aparna’s retirement. He put forth his efforts to bring her back to stage. But Aparna was adamant and would not perform anymore. Shiva blamed himself and his conscience was burning with guilt. He couldn’t meet Aparna’s eyes. 

Aparna now spent all her time with family and was enjoying her life much more than before. She was contended with life and was happy about staying at home. She spent most of her time playing with Karthik and helping him with studies. Her practical approach while teaching made learning fun for Karthik. On one such occasion, she had planted a mango seed while teaching him about germination. They would water it daily and monitor its growth. They jumped with joy on seeing the first leaf sprout. Aparna found that true joy of living was in relishing the small things of life.

Shiva, on the contrary was burdened with guilt. For him, he was the reason for ruining Aparna’s career. He spent more time at work than at home. He couldn’t meet her eyes that brimmed with love for him. Her serene love made his misery worse. He loved her the most and couldn’t forgive himself for embracing the insecurities that led to the present consequences. He relocated to Dubai where they had set their new office. He came home occasionally. His motto was to remain away from Aparna as he knew that he didn’t deserve her love and attention.

Aparna knew that her husband was workaholic but never expected that he would relocate and stay away from family. Karthik deserved to spend time with his dad. She decided to talk to him and persuade him to take the family with him. 

He came home after a month. He had a casual chat with Karthik. It was already 10 pm and Karthik went to sleep. When they were left alone, Aparna decided to bring it up.

“Karthik misses you a lot these days.”

Deliberately peeping into some file and without raising his head Shiva nodded, “Hmm”.

“He feels bad when only I go for the parents meet at school. He also had a bet with one of his friends that you would come for the next parent’s meet.”

“Hmm” again.

“May be you should spend more time with family. We are missing you.”

Yet another “Hmm”.

“May be all of us should shift to Dubai. That would save your travel time for home visits and would also give you time with family ”

Almost inaudible “Hmm.”

“Whats in your mind Shiva? Please speak up. Why are we having this one sided conversation?”

Shiva reluctantly looked at Aparna, made a brief eye contact and said “Looks like you have put on some weight. Why don’t you start performing again?”

Aparna was at a loss of expression. She couldn’t justify her husband’s insane attitude. He hadn’t answered even a single question of hers and said something that wasn’t relevant to the present context. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “May be he doesn’t want me anymore” she thought.

“If you don’t want to see me then don’t, but please think about Karthik, he deserves his share of love. He is your son too.”

That was the key now, Shiva knew that she would get back to her usual self in his absence and said “You want to leave Karthik to me?”

Aparna was clueless now, she didn’t know where the conversation was heading to. “He is my son too. Why would I leave him?”

“May be you can take care of him until he is 18 and then he will come to me. I will then guide him in building his career.”

Aparna had not expected the sudden turn of events. But she maintained her dignity. She didn’t beg him to hold onto her. If he didn’t want her, so be it. She loved him and could never cease to do so. She didn’t argue. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving him. But she didn’t want to force herself onto his life.  She knew that Shiva could never be his usual self with her now. He would either be feeling guilty, if she continued her resignation from performing or feel low and supressed if she started performing. Either ways it would do no good to him and would affect his moods and business. She didn't want to taint their relationship with memories of unending arguments or blame or trauma. She agreed to part ways if that was what Shiva wanted.

Since then they never saw each other. Aparna accepted to stay in their house until Karthik turned 18. She did not accept any compensation from Shiva. She taught kuchipudi to meet her expenses. She never performed on stage and maintained a low profile, shunning the media and social appearances. Karthik was a replica of Aparna in deeds and values. He was long prepared for his 18^th birthday. The birthday that would gift him his dad but take away his mom. He knew that his parents were great individuals yet had decided to part their ways. He respected their decision. For him, they were his Gods and incapable of judging them.

Aparna was proud to see her son grow with all possible virtues of a compassionate man. She gave him reasons to love his dad as much as he loved her. She couldn’t wait for his 18^th birthday, the day when she would see Shiva for one last time. The apocalypse of her life.

It was the first thought that came to her as she woke up. He was gone. And, soon, this bedroom, the house in whose eastern corner it sat, and the tiny garden outside with its gnarled old red hibiscus and the half-grown mango tree they had planted together, all those would be gone as well. It was the strangest feeling ever. She would soon leave this house but not the memories it gave her. She performed her early morning prayers and was offering Prasad to Karthik when Shiva arrived. His hair had greyed, yet he looked as radiant as he always did. He gave a genuine smile that bore into Aparna’s eyes. She saw the love and remorse in his eyes. He hugged Karthik and stepped back to have a better look at him. He stole a glance at Aparna and felt that she was at peace with herself yet has lost the cheery spark in her eyes. He wanted to talk to her but was tongue tied.

“I have fulfilled my responsibility as a mom. He is yours to nurture further.” Said a teary eyed Aparna, with an air of a proud mom.

Shiva had offered her to stay in the house and claim it as hers. But she rejected. She was a self dependent woman. She kissed Karthik on his forehead and threw a final glance at Shiva, who could not meet her eyes and left with her bag of clothes. Karthik missed her instantly. He wanted to run behind her and hug her. But he knew that nothing could stop her now. Not even his dad’s love.

Aparna left Shiva forever, like Seetha had left Ram after handing over Luv and Kush. She had lost the 2 people who matter the most in her life. She didn’t blame Shiva for her misery. She knew that he had always meant good for her. She now understood why Seetha and Ram were called an ideal couple. Through their ups and downs they never blamed each other for their misery. They loved each other with full might and when it was time for them to part, they parted with dignity, yet did not forget their responsibility towards their children. Their love was never blotched with silly fights or overheated arguments. It was easy for a couple to occasionally fight and later patch up. But it required Seetha’s patience and Ram’s love to make a SiyaRam, to part in dignity and yet love until eternity.