What I learnt from him

Any guesses who is the "HIM"  from the title? No. Not my husband.
Him = My Son.

I had always looked forward for guidance and advises from elders, books, history and google of course. But I never thought I would learn something from my tiny bundle of joy, my baby. The first and foremost lesson I learnt from him was that the best gifts of life don’t come wrapped in shiny packages. And ever since then, my son never ceased to teach me.

My son is 18 months old now. Wait a minute, did I say OLD? If 18 months is old, then I must be antique. Ok. Bad joke. Lets get back to the teachings. As my son grows in age, so do I as a mother and here is what I have learnt so far.

1.     Take no shame in letting your loved ones know that you need them: He throws tantrums when I am around yet busy enough to ignore him. He tries hard to gain my attention. Sometimes he even fake cries and indicates he bumped his head and is hurt and comes to me with stretched hands and beams as soon as I hold him in my arms. Well, mission accomplished.

2.     Accept it when you miss someone: When I am back from office, my son, jumps with joy and runs towards me with stretched arms and is all smiles. It makes me feel special and makes my day. He does the same when his grandparents come to visit him.

3.        Its okay to vent out your anger every now and then, but give an easy forgivance: He yells and shouts at me, clearly indicating that he is mad at me. But little coaxing and cajoling, soothes his mood and senses. And then, we are on friendly terms.

4.      Dance if the music says so: He dances to his favorite songs. Its not much of a dance and comprises of swaying, flapping hands and tapping feet. Its not graceful and does not follow any rhythm. But that doesn't stop him from dancing. May be we humans, were built that way. To dance to the music but are too civilized and shy away from doing so.

      Sky is the limit when you have your mom’s support:

      I usually hold my son onto the window grills and support his back with my tummy. He tries climbing further up or changes foot from one grill to the other and has fun in his own way. But one day, so as to make his fun moments funnier, I raised my son a little higher and let him hold onto the curtain rods. The room was filled with his giggles. Apparently my idea had gone well with him and I patted myself for it. Then he looked expectantly at me and pointed towards the tube light. PHEWWW!!!

      God is male:

      Yes. That’s right and I learnt it the hard way. One day I was feeding my son, the “fussy eater”. I secretly pray to God while feeding him that he should eat his fill now. Like any other day, he pursed his lips on seeing the peeled banana rush at his mouth. I patiently waited for him to open his mouth and deftly stove it inside, the moment his lips parted. I was happy for the tiny bite that I could force him to have and the very next second, he spat it out. With a painful look at the disposed piece of banana, I thought, “It would have been a lot more better had this piece landed in him tummy rather than the floor..” And lo! My son picked up the half chewed lump from the dusty dirty floor and swallowed. My immediate thought was, “Oh God! Not from the floor. You took it literally.” Had I known that God was listening to me at the moment, I would have been a little more specific. Now anyone rightly misunderstanding a female should be a male right? You get my point? Great!
 

Shopping. With my SON????

We went shopping with my son, a one and a half year old toddler. And the experience is worth sharing. My dear husband had taken up the duty of taking care of my son while I selected my clothes and after some time I hear squeals, loud and shrill. I asked my husband what the matter was. My husband looked around and very carefully whispered “He wants to go the women’s lingerie section.” I gave a stifled laugh a good scene it would have made, a man and a toddler checking out women’s lingerie. Pitying my husband, I took my son to the trial room with me. While I was busy trying the clothes, my son was deftly opening the latch of the trial room. Had a tough time there.

After selecting my clothes, we went to the kids section. I was given the task of handling my son whereas my husband took up the less challenging task of selecting clothes for him. This was when my son descended from my arms and removed his pant. Did I mention that he has a severe dislike towards anything that covers him below his waist? He squealed when I tried to pull the pant up onto his waist and I ignored his squeals. But to my dismay the security guard came running to see what the commotion was all about. He cooled down on seeing the source of commotion. I begged him to reprimand my child or to atleast glower at him so that he keeps quiet. But my pleadings were left behind by the toddler’s charm. He smiled at my son and left. Quite an insensitive guy. I turned at my son and tried threatening and coaxing alternately but he wouldn’t wear his pant. I gave in and dragged my son to his dad. On seeing his dad, he started pulling down his diaper. I couldn’t let this happen as I wasn’t carrying a spare diaper. My attempts at handing over the baby to his dad were turned futile as my son was clinging to me and let out few more squeals. As I dreaded, he managed to get rid of the diaper. I could take it no more and decided to take my half naked son to the loo. I deftly found my way to the loo while my husband was picking up clothes for my son. At the washrooms, when I waited for my son to pee, he tried to slip into the toilet seat instead. Luckily, my grip was tight and I didn’t let him slip. The dejected me, took him back to where his dad was. No. He did not pee in the toilet.

By now my son was cranky and was slithering down my arms. We decided to feed him before buying my husband’s clothes. We took him to Mc Donalds. Please don’t get judgemental at this point. We tried to give him healthy food at home but he spat them out. Just for a change we wanted to try some healthy junk for him. my husband ordered a Mc Aaloo tikki for the tike but he chose to have French fries instead. Very healthy indeed. He was standing on the table all the while and chewing the fries. His poor dad was busy holding him and I busied myself with my paneer wrap. When it was my husband’s turn to eat, my diaperless son, peed on the table. It took us some time to clean and we got my husband’s untouched food packed. My husband could no longer keep up with our menace and decided to go home and that’s how our shopping came to an abrupt end.

This is just a glimpse of 3 hours with my son, imagine what an entire day would look like. A roller coaster ride?? Now you know how I lost weight. For all those friends of mine who envy me for losing considerable amount of weight post pregnancy, I am sure this post has earned me some sympathy.

P.S. He spat out chewed lump of French fries on my lap while heading home. I wonder why he doesn’t swallow anything.

Wierdo Hairdo

Most part of my life I had long hair. i.e until my 10^th standard I had it running below my  hips. But had to cut it short as its weight was giving me headaches. The next 2 years I let it grow and it grew again as it always does. (Touch wood). I cut it when I had to join a hostel but grew it again as I realized that the short hair was tickling my neck constantly. Since then I maintained it upto my waist. But alas! After my marriage, my husband didn’t allow me to cut it. If he liked my long hair, he never said it. But he was always against me cutting my hair and it managed to grow below my hips. A thick long braided  hair makes a good sight to the onlookers and also makes you the older generation’s favorite. But trust me, its such an ordeal to maintain it. I had to be constantly careful to not sit on my own hair. Many a nights I was force awakened when my husband tossed onto my hair in sleep. At crowded places like temples on a festival, buses and all such places when I had to  squeeze my self forward to get going, I had to pull my hair that would get tangled with the shirt buttons or bag zippers or the intricate embroidered dresses of those around me. Hey don’t get me wrong, all through, I loved my hair very dearly. But all the above are “as a matter of factly” statements which I thought everyone else who didn’t or don’t have long hair should know.

I had a mannat that I would shave my head on my son’s mundan along with  my son. And hell broke loose when my parents came to know of my weird mannat. My husband gave a “that’s disgusting” look and I maintained my “Whatever” attitude. Finally the day of the mundan arrived and I parted with my Umph factor. I thought I would feel sad but on the contrary I was relieved. My head felt light and for the first time in my lifetime I could feel the breeze caressing my scalp. It felt great that way. Oiling and washing my head took no time. But I didn’t like the no hair on my head look but that didn’t bother me as I seldom look at the mirror. Yup. That’s true. My husband bought me scarves and told me to cover my head with them when at office. I was absolutely comfortable to go out with my no hair head but was forced to put on the scarf as my in laws laughed at me when I told them that I would go to office without covering my no hair head. They said it would look awkward to go out like that and I was foolish enough to believe them. 5 minutes after reaching office I removed the cloth covering my head. It looked green now with tiny hairs sprouting from their follicles. I was absolutely comfortable that way but wasn’t sure how others felt about it and I didn’t care. That day many people told me this, “HEY! You had such a beautiful hair. Why did you do this?” few of them were strangers. i.e. I knew that they existed on the same floor by their faces but didn’t know their names or anything about them. It was a revelation for me that I was known at office by my long hair. Few of my friends asked me, “You might have felt sad to see your hair go. Didn’t you?” and strange though it sounds, I didn’t have even a tinge of regret or remorse. A little later that day, came this good lady from the next cubicle who told my teammate, “But she looks pretty even without hair.” Now I must say this really came as a surprise to me. I wasn’t looking pretty when I saw myself in the mirror. This good lady must be having a heart of gold I should say. Though I didn’t believe her, I smiled. It made me happy. 

My hair has now grown upto the neck and is trying its way upto the shoulders and almost everyone I come across say that short hair suits me a lot better than long hair. But by now, I have become immune to peoples taunts or complements when it comes to my looks. Yes, I do miss my long hair but short hair is more rewarding for someone who is constantly racing against time. My head might look like a man’s now but I just don’t care for I know that I had spent enough of my time tending to my hair and would do it no more. My hair might turn gray in coming years and my skin would wrinkle in another couple of years. Why should I invest my time on something so short lived?  I don’t want to waste my time to fit into someone else’s definition of good looking or beautiful. Haven’t you heard of the age old saying - “Beauty lies in the eyes of its beholder”.

About women from Manu Smriti

Re sharing from a post I came across.

 
From the "Manu Smriti" (the oldest and most authoritative law book of the Hindus)  (I borrowed the verses from Holy Vedas)

No Dowry

Manusmriti 3.52
stridhanani tu ye mohadupajivanti bandhavah |
nariyanani vastram va te papa yantyadhogatim ||
—“ Those relatives who rob away or thrive on wealth, property, vehicles or dresses of a woman or her family are wiliest of people, they commit sin and sink to hell.”

Honour women

Manusmriti 3.56 :
yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra devatah |
yatraitastu na pujyante sarvastatraphalah kriyah ||
—" Where women are honoured, there the Deities are pleased; but where they are not honoured, no sacred rite yields rewards. "

Manusmriti 3.57 :
shocanti jamayo yatra vinashyatyashu tat kulam |
na shocanti tu yatraita vardhate tad hi sarvada ||
—" Where the female relations live in grief, the family soon wholly perishes; but that family where they are not unhappy ever prospers. "

Manusmriti 3.58 :
jamayo yani gehani shapantyapratipujitah |
tani krityahataniva vinashyanti samantatah ||
—"The houses on which female relations, not being duly honoured, pronounce a curse, perish completely, as if destroyed by magic. "

Manusmriti 9.26
prajanartham mahabhagah pujarha grihadiptayah |
striyah shriyashca geheshu na vishesho.asti kashcana ||
—“ Women who give birth to next generation, who enlighten the home bring fortune and bliss. Hence women are synonymous to Prosperity.”

Manusmriti 9.28
apatyam dharmakaryani shushrusha ratiruttama |
dara.adhinastatha svargah pitrinamatmanashca ha ||
—“Offspring , the due performance on religious rites, faithful service, highest conjugal happiness and heavenly bliss for the ancestors and oneself, depend on one’s wife alone.”

Choice of Marriage

Manusmriti 9.90
trini varshanyudiksheta kumaryartumati sati |
urdhvam tu kaladetasmad vindeta sadrisham patim ||
—“Three years let a damsel wait, though she be marriageable; but after that time let her choose for herself a bridegroom (of) equal (caste and rank).”

Manusmriti 9.91
adiyamana bhartaramadhigacched yadi svayam |
nainah kim cidavapnoti na ca yam sa.adhigacchati ||
—“If, being not given in marriage, she herself seeks a husband, she incurs no guilt, nor (does) he whom she weds.”

Share in Property

Manusmriti 9.130
yathaivatma tatha putrah putrena duhita sama |
tasyamatmani tishöhantyam kathamanyo dhanam haret ||
—“ A son is even (as) oneself, (such) a daughter is equal to a son; how can another (heir) take the estate, while such (an appointed daughter who is even) oneself, lives?”

Manusmriti 9.131
matustu yautakam yat syat kumaribhaga eva sah |
dauhitra eva ca haredaputrasyakhilam dhanam ||
—“But whatever may be the separate property of the mother, that is the share of the unmarried daughter alone; and the son of an (appointed) daughter shall take the whole estate of (his maternal grandfather) who leaves no son.”

Manusmriti 9.212
sodarya vibhajeramstam sametya sahitah samam |
bhrataro ye ca samshrishöa bhaginyashca sanabhayah ||

Manusmriti 9.213
yo jyeshöho vinikurvita lobhad bhratrin yaviyasah |
so.ajyeshöhah syadabhagashca niyantavyashca rajabhih ||
These verses state that if a person has no kins or wife, then his wealth be distributed equally among his brothers and sisters. If the elder brother refuses to give due share to other brothers and sisters, he is punishable by law.
To further ensure safety of women, Manu recommended harsh punishments for those who rob away wealth of a woman, even if they are her relatives.

The good Samaritan... Oops, Indian!

She was on her way home when she saw 2 fairly pink, tall and fit men of another country huddled by the cabs and autos. They seemed to have an argument. She was tempted to ask what the matter was but opted out of it as she knew that it would hurt their self esteem to seek her help. As she continued walking away from the commotion, she heard one of the handsome foreigners call out to her for help. She saw that he was waving at her and saying, “Excuse me! Do you speak English? We need help.”

She went closer and asked what the matter was. “Do you speak English? Can you translate our message to the cab driver?” one of them asked. She nodded and he showed her the address from his watsapp conversation and said, “We booked the cab to this destination, the driver drove us for quite sometime, taking us nowhere and finally says that he doesn’t know where this place is and asks us to take another cab.” Assuming there was some communication gap between the two parties, she asked the cab driver in hindi, “Bhaiyya! Kya hua?” He said that he drove them for 10 km but the GPS isn’t showing the proper address and was insisting them to hire another cab and pay him for his ride. That was outrageous and she knew it was some cheap trick of the driver who intended to take advantage of the situation as these people were new to this place. But the bigger picture was that, it would ruin the country’s image. “What was the “Incredible India” ad about where Aamir Khan relentlessly stresses on athidhi devo bhava?” she thought. 

Meanwhile the foreigners were flocked by autowalas and other cabbies who promised to take them wherever they wanted. Even to their home land. Phew!!!! She told the cab driver that they will not pay any money to him as he had cheated them and spoke to one of the autowalas who agreed to charge them as per the meter reading, which sounded fair. She saw the foreigners leave in the auto not before thanking her profusely and genuinely with grateful smiles. She managed to mutter, “My pleasure.” Their smiles for sure lifted up her moods and she continued towards home.

She smiled at the irony of the fact that “We Indians, can very well sort out the problems of some random foreigners when we have no clue on how to solve ours.” But for someone like her, who receives no appreciation for squeezing in her daily to-do list in the available 24 hrs time. Who is constantly racing against time trying to meet deadlines at office and home, with sleep deprived eyes. Who receives no appreciation for taking out time for the family and constantly trying to make their lives better irrespective of her state of mind and health. For someone like her whom everyone come back to, asking for more and telling her that “She could have done better”, this incident brought back a fleck of confidence and sent her home humming.